The Father's Love

I do everything quickly. I walk quickly, I talk quickly, I eat quickly, I complete my tasks quickly (but not at the sacrifice of quality ;) ). The rapid pace of my life leaves me vulnerable to becoming completely task-oriented and forgetting to take a step back in order to enjoy the little (and important) things in life.

In short, I am an expert at trying to use my accomplishments as a way to gain identity and favor in the eyes of others. I strive to be the best I can be, running and running until I don't recognize my own exhaustion.

These past few months have given me plenty of opportunities to grow in my faith, and have caused me to rely completely on God -- trusting in His goodness, seeking after His will in ambiguous and emotionally strained situations. I am so thankful for these struggles as they have brought me closer to Jesus and have humbled me to see my desperate need for His strength in my incredible weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

But for all the things I have been graciously taught by our Father, I continuously forget to rest. I have pressed forward with the mindset that if I study the Bible religiously (no pun intended), do my best in school, and put my whole heart into all I do, I will gain God's favor.

In this mindset, I was talking to God last night in my frustration. I cried out "God, what do you want from me?"

In my heart, I heard three words back:

"I want you."

My eyes fill as I write this, as I remember the relief I felt as the curtain of my own obscure perception was lifted to reveal the incredible depth of the Father's love. In that moment, I saw the amazing grace of Jesus on the cross, and realized what God had been trying to tell me all along: God wants our love. He wants to be with us. Everything else He desires will naturally follow when our hearts draw closer and closer to His.

No more striving. Just love. The love of the Father.

Psalm 51:16-17 "You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice You desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God."

He wants us. He wants our hearts. He wants to be with us, today and always.

How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure. That He should give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure.

This, then, is the beauty of the Father's love, illustrated so perfectly through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

God With Us

Life has its wonderful moments, and its times of pain. There are surprises and disappointments, encouraging days and frustrating hours. Life is a rollercoaster of uncertainties. Often times the beautiful moments are quickly dampened by deeper issues that rise to the surface in the midst of our joy. Often times it is this undercurrent of joy and peace that keeps us going when the rapids threaten to steal away everything we hold dear. Life is uncertain. Life is anything but what we expect it to be at any given moment.

It is easy to lose sight of what is truly important when we travel on the road of life. We focus so intently on the step ahead (or the next 14 steps ahead) that we forget to look to the One guiding us. In our desperation to understand the road we are on, we often forget that life is not about the destination, or the check points along the way; life is about the journey, and who we become on that journey.

Most importantly, life is about Who we are walking with on that journey.

I am learning more and more that all that really matters is that I am walking with God. As long as I remember to look to my right, to see His fingers interlaced with mine, I know I'm going to be okay. In the middle of the chaos, He is my refuge and strength. He is my Comforter, my stronghold, my Giver of peace. He is my steady undercurrent of joy that will always be the foundation of my life, whether the rapids rage or the stream passes peacefully along. He is the beat to my heart when I forget to feel, the breath in my lungs when I forget to rest.

In all the hard times of my life, the times of searching, the times of disbelief, grief, and anger, God has never left my side. He never will leave my side. He travels with me still. "Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me. Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me." (Psalm 23:4).

The saving grace in my times of disappointment and hopelessness is the reminder that "God will never leave me or forsake me" (Hebrews 13:5, Deut. 31:6 NIV). The NLT version reads, "God will never fail me. God will never abandon me."

God is on our side. Of whom, of what, shall we be afraid?

God is our Guide, our constant Provider. (Psalm 37:23-24, Psalm 37:34, Psalm 40:1-3, Psalm 43:3, etc.)

God is our hope, our salvation. "Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again, my Savior and my God!" (Psalm 42:11)

God is with us. Emmanual, the name prophesied to be given to Jesus, the Messiah, means "God with us". God made himself known to the Israelites throughout the Old Testament, but never was God so present as when He walked this earth as His Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus came to bridge the gap of sin that kept us from being with God eternally. Now, because of Jesus' blood and His gift of the Holy Spirit (our Guide, Comforter, and Couselor), God is with us always. All we need to do is look to the right, and see His fingers interlaced with ours, holding our hand through every joy, every trial, and every uncertain (or certain!) step.

In Isaiah 41:13, God makes this promise to us: "For I hold you by your right hand -- I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, 'Don't be afraid. I am here to help you.'"

The verse that really encourages me in my uncertainties comes from Psalm 73:23-26: "Yet I still belong to You; You hold my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but You? I desire You more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart, He is mine forever."

This passage covers everything -- all the important aspects of our journeys. The psalmist does not describe the journey, or the importance of the next step. The passage begins with declaring that WE BELONG TO GOD, and that He holds our right hand and guides us with His wisdom and knowledge that stem from His everlasting goodness. The psalmist goes on to say how God is everything we need, and all we could ever desire -- that He is the strength and hope that we need to persevere, the very beat of our hearts.

"Come close to God, and God will come close to you." (James 4:8)

Emmanual. God with us. Then, now, and forevermore.

You are my Hope, You are my Song, You are my Light, You are my Salvation. ("You Are My Hope" by Cory Asbury).

"Send out Your light and Your truth; let them guide me. Let them lead me to Your holy mountain, to the place where You live!" (Psalm 43:3)

Emmanual. God with us. With us then, with us still, with us eternally. He's faithful to the end. He's faithful to our hearts.

Amen.

The Power of Prayer

Confession: I have fallen incredibly short in the area of praying for my friends. They will ask me for prayer, and I will pray for them right then and there, and maybe add them in briefly when I'm talking with Jesus, but I have failed to genuinely focus on the needs of my friends through prayer. For this, I apologize.

But the best way to say "I'm sorry" is to change.

Prayer is the most powerful weapon we possess. It is taking our concerns and our struggles exactly to where they should be -- placed at God's feet, in God's hands. There is nothing more powerful and reassuring than that. No amount of our worrying can provide the peace and remarkable change that comes from surrendering our worries to God in prayer.

Philippians 4:6 says "Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done." Amen. The passage goes on to say that "peace that surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Jesus Christ." (Philippians 4:7) And that's an incredibly important piece -- that's where satan attacks us: in our hearts and with our thoughts. This peace, given by the reassurance of God's truth and unfailing love, is essential in protecting ourselves against negative thoughts that keep us from seeing ourselves and others the way God sees us.

Prayer is incredibly powerful, and bonds people together in a way nothing else can.

In Ephesians 6:18 Paul emphasizes the incredible necessity for continued prayer for each other: "Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere."

James 5:13-17 also discusses the impact of prayer on lives, and the essentiality of prayer in our lives: "Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises. Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well. And if you have committed any sins, you will be forgiven.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. Elijah was as human as we are, and yet when he prayed earnestly that no rain would fall, none fell for three and a half years! Then, when he prayed again, the sky sent down rain and the earth began to yield its crops."

Prayer is powerful because it takes us to the cross. When we surrender all our worries (for ourselves and others) to God, He can take those worries and create change. The central piece of prayer is God. Prayer is not a powerful act in and of itself -- it is powerful because we are committing ourselves to our Father, we are trusting fully in His power to change our circumstances and our hearts, and believing that in His goodness, He will answer our prayers in whichever way is healthiest for us.

Praying for each other is ESSENTIAL. I do not want to fall short in this area anymore. If I am to truly love my sisters and brothers, I need to commit to praying for them earnestly. I can't just skim over their needs on the way to the monologue of my own. Nope. Not acceptable anymore. It's time for me to wake up and fight for the ones I love by bringing their struggles to the cross, to the One who can make everything right, and Who makes everything new, through the power of prayer.

Amen!

All I'll Ever Need

As I was laying in bed (before I got out of bed to write this blog :)), I was struck by the amazing ways God provided for me today. Today was incredibly stressful for me, and I found myself thinking several times that I just wasn't going to make it through this last leg of the semester. Where I usually try to find an optimistic viewpoint, I was instead struggling to keep my head above the waves of a pessimistic attitude.

But God provided. He surrounded me with completely unexpected encouragement -- encouragement I didn't even realize I needed. Oh, how I needed the reminders He provided. Through these individuals, He reminded me that I am valued, that I am blessed, and ultimately that I am in His care.

I'm filled with so much peace -- a complete contrast from the stormy weather of my emotions today. I'm simply full of... contentment, and rest. Mmm.

Anyway, let's continue talking about God the Provider, because this is BIG.

This was a huge lesson for me to learn, in conjunction with "God is good". God is good, therefore, God provides all that is good for us.

These parts of God's character have unfortunately been hard to believe in some of the stormier moments of my life. As one example, my financial situation has been a difficult one for several years now, but ever since I started praying for God to provide, I have been able to see the ways that He already has, and continues to care for me. In the simplest and most unexpected ways, God has delivered money into my bank account at the precise moments I needed it.

God provides all of the things we need. Matthew 6:8 tells us "Your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask Him!" This makes God the ultimate Provider -- He perceives what we will need, and arranges situations to provide for us out of His goodness and love.

I could write about God being the Provider for hours, as He has opened my eyes to all of the provision He has laid out in my life. The more I entrust in Him, the more He opens my eyes to see the gifts He is giving me. Kind of like a bank, now that I think about it... which may seem like a strange analogy, but bear with me: The more money a person chooses to invest without withdrawing, the higher interest rate they can attach to their original sum, which provides a larger turnover than if the invester had chosen not to entrust so much money with the bank.

While God certainly is not a banking system, our trust works in a similar fashion. God is the Provider regardless of whether we choose to acknowledge it or not (Matthew 6:25-30), however, we cannot experience the complete wonders of God's provision if we do not entrust Him with our everything, and do not seek after Him first. The continuation of this passage in Matthew exemplifies this very idea: "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need." (Matthew 6:33)

Not only will God provide for us in the physical sense, but in the emotional and spiritual senses as well. When we seek after Him with abandon, our eyes are opened to the fact that God HIMSELF is everything we will ever need.

The Psalmist in 142:5 says "You are all I really want in life." The closer we draw to God, the less dependent we become on anything other than God's unfailing love. We gradually realize that God is our center, the very beating of our hearts, and that no matter what happens in our lives, no matter what we may be lacking or what we may have in abundance, the one thing that will never change is that God is "our Rock and our Salvation, our Fortress where we will never be shaken" (Psalm 62:2).

Psalm 73:26 further illuminates this wonder: "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart, He is mine forever."

You are all I really want in life.

Nothing can separate us from the provision of this unfailing love.

The verse that is my constant reminder of God's provision comes from Isaiah 40: "He will feed His flock like a Shepherd. He will carry the lambs in His arms, holding them close to His heart." (Isaiah 40:11).

This verse really shows us the inseparable connection between God's provision and His love. He not only provides for His flock in the physical sense, but He gives us His love, the one thing we TRULY need, whether we recognize that or not.

Thank You, Lord, for being our everything when we have nothing, and for Your patience with us as we search to better understand Your Father's heart.

What's in a Name?

A lot, actually.

While a rose by any other name will still smell as sweet, there's something to be said about names. A name gives a person identity, a place location and separation from other places.

My name was given to me by my parents at 3:26am on an early summer morning, or maybe before then.

My last name has been with my dad's side of the family for centuries, coming from England, to Massachussetts during the Revolutionary War, and eventually making its way to Minnesota, where it was given to a baby girl on that early summer morning in St. Paul. That name comes with an entire set of expectations.

With this last name, I was identified as my father's daughter, I was the pastor's kid, and immediately beloved by the church community for this reason alone. I was also jointly identified with my sister, who paved the way two years before me, setting up other expectations for me to meet upon arrival. The phrase, "Oh, you're a 'Smith'!" luckily has continued to be a positive phrase, but it provides me with this certain set of expectations nonetheless. So what's in this name? An entire set of situational stereotypes of "perfection" that sometimes have been a struggle to meet.

However, this name has also associated and blessed me with an incredibly loving family with a reputation for kindness, gentleness, and provision, which I wouldn't trade for the world :)

Now that we've discussed my apellido, as it's called in Spanish, it's time to look at the name that REALLY sets the stage for this post: "Amy".

In the Bible, God bequeathed names to the people who followed him. From Abram to Abraham, Sarai to Sarah, and Saul to Paul, God has been giving more meaning to our names by following Him, giving us promises through the very bestowal of a certain name.

Several times in Biblical history God replaced a name separating the Jewish nation from Him with a name that promised an everlasting covenant. Isaiah 62:4 states "Never again will you be called "The Forsaken City" or "The Desolate Land." Your new name will be "The City of God's Delight" and "The Bride of God" for the Lord delights in you and will claim you as his bride."

Similarly, God promises in Hosea 2:23 "I will show love to those I called 'Not loved.' And to those I called 'Not my people,' I will say, 'Now you are my people.'"

God uses names to proclaim His promises to us, and to bring us back into communion with Him.

(Now, this "name concept" may not apply to everyone. In fact, for some people I would hope it doesn't. There are several names that sound beautiful but have unfortunate meanings that I would hope never become the living situation for the individual... For example, my middle name means "Snare". My mom always told me it meant "Princess" like my sister's name does... Babynames.com tells me differently...)

However, I have seen the meaning of my first name to be the biggest challenge in my life, and the greatest promise God offers me. Whether this is by coincidence or by divine intervention doesn't necessarily matter.

Amy means "Beloved".

As I previously stated, the idea of my lovability is an idea I often struggle to grasp as truth in my life. I may have self-confidence down, but self-esteem can be an entirely different issue at times. In those moments of greatest insecurity, I begin to question my value in my relationships, whether the people in my life love me as much as I love them, and even if I will ever be loved as passionately by my future husband as he will be loved by me.

Now, none of these concerns are necessarily fair or founded on anything solid. Instead, they rest on top of a garbage pile of past hurt, misconceptions, and lies straight from Satan.

The result has been an obsession with striving. An obsession with building walls to avoid hurt. An obsession with perfection. And ultimately, discontent and apology for who God created me to be.

I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. But no one who really loves me expects me to be anyone other than myself.

So here's how this struggle has begun to be remedied:
Instead of searching for my identity and self-worth in the eyes and approval of others, God has shown me that my identity rests solely in that I AM HIS (CREATED BY HIM), AND I AM LOVED BY HIM.

This realization, this amazing truth, has rocked my world to the core. It has stabilized me. It has given me meaning beyond striving. It has taught me the meaning of grace.

Beyond that, it has taught me the meaning of love, the very meaning of my name.

God is love, I am God's, and I am loved by God. This is where the struggle ends, and the love story begins. After all, God says to us that He is our Beloved, and we are His (Song of Songs 6:3) . I am my Beloved's and He is mine. This is not only the meaning behind my name, but the meaning behind my very existence: Love.

I am Beloved. We are beloved.

Out of death and into life!

It is 12:57am on Easter morning, and I've got to say, I am seeing Easter with completely new eyes this year. Like, wow. I hope I can explain it...

Today I struggled with falling away from God in a way that I had thought was dealt with for good. But today, the issue crept up on me and I gave in without a fight. I finally realized how sin keeps us away from the love of the Father, and it broke me. I was more repentant than maybe I have ever been in my life. I didn't want to be the one building walls between me and my Savior, but when I looked down, I saw the cement dust on my hands. The hammer in my fist.

I felt so weak and hopeless, so incredibly human. Here I was singing songs about God breaking down walls, and I was the one pouring the cement into place. What a shock. I finally realized that it really was my sin that nailed Jesus to the cross. It was my humanity, my weakness, my desire for things outside of God's love and goodness.

I have never been able to understand James 4:7-10 like I did today: "Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sadness instead of laughter" (certain verses, NLT).

Then I started listening to East to West by Casting Crowns, crying out to Jesus to show me just "How far the east is from the west, from one scarred hand to the other". I was in complete awe that God would take my sins and cast them away from Him, breaking down the walls that I had built up of my own accord. That He had taken care of it, once and for all, at the cross.

I then turned to The Voice of Truth, also by Casting Crowns, and the verse on the screen was from Psalm 40. As I turned to that chapter, Psalm 40:2-3 resounded with me, giving me hope: "He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God."

Out of mourning, and into praising God. Out of death and into life.

One of Cory Asbury's songs says this: You called me out from the darkness to shine Your light, raised me up from death and gave me life!

Amen. God is calling us to something bigger. He is calling us to turn from the death in this world, to turn away from the sorrow and mourning, and to embrace the dawn of saving grace. To join Him in LIFE. Just as Jesus' death was mourned and stripped so many of hope, His resurrection has filled our hearts with a new hope and our futures with light. We no longer need to live in the bonds of sin, we no longer need to be victims of the things that keep us from Christ. Christ took care of all of these things through His death and resurrection. Sacrifice is required for the forgiveness of sins, and Jesus paid the ultimate price for us, His Bride.

Psalm 51:16-17 says, "You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice You desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God."

So on this glorious day, this day of hope and life, let us live out the words of John the Baptist, first declared in Isaiah 40: "Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near! Prepare the way for the Lord!"(Matthew 3:2-3)

He is risen! He is risen indeed!