Everything.
The goal.
The bottom line.
Point A, point B, and everything in between.
I've learned a lot about love in the past 24 hours. God has challenged me with a new aspect of love that I've recently been able to put into practice with my relationship with Him, but have been hesitant to apply to my relationships with others: the trust aspect.
Oh boy. Here's the thing: in difficult situations, it is hard for me to trust anyone but myself. It was quite the adventure to lay my life down before Christ and let Him take the reins -- an adventure that resulted in blessings beyond my imagination. There is nothing more rewarding in my life than trusting completely in my Savior, my Creator, my Confidant.
Silly me, I thought I was done learning about trust. I had surrendered it ALL, or at least was willing to try to surrender all my control, and that was quite the leap of faith for me. But God showed me yesterday evening that I need to trust others as well if I am to love them like I say I do.
Whoa. Uh, God, are You sure? I mean... these people are human. I can learn to trust in Your perfect, unfailing love, but how can I trust in imperfect people? As an imperfect person myself, I know that we are fully capable of injuring each other...
Sigh. As I type this, I see that this is going to be a longer process than I originally perceived. This trusting other people deal is going to take me through my past relationships, cleaning up the garbage of past friendships and relationships that have left me alone and barricaded by the cement walls of defense I built around my oversized heart.
But here's the deal -- I was MADE for love. My heart was made for it, I was created for intimacy, passion, and excitement in friendships and my future marriage. My heart was never meant to be protected behind the steel barricades I have set up all around. I almost had myself convinced that I could love people from inside my little fortress; that I could give and give and never have to risk taking from anyone. Oh no. I would be self-sufficient, feeding off of God's love alone, and then giving all I have to people in my life without asking for anything in return. Because that would be "guarding my heart", right?
Not quite. See, there's a difference between guarding my heart and forgetting how it was meant to be used. And my heart was never made for steel bars and cement cells -- it was made to run free in an open field by a bubbling stream with a waterfall at the end of it. My heart was made for beauty, and all I had given it was a small love fern in its damp prison cell.
So how do I begin trusting?
Honestly? Can't say I'm sure I know the answer to that question...
It's going to take a mental process and emotional transformation far beyond my capabilities -- it's going to take a miracle. A compilation of small, daily steps in the right direction. It's going to take trustingin the goodness of my friends' hearts, and in the value of mine. It's going to take honesty on my part to tell the people I love what I need from them. It's going to take God's grace and gentle guidance for the "learning to trust" process to become less of a task and more of a natural occurence.
So really, it's time. It's time for my heart to take full form, to burst from its protective sheath and blossom into the exotic, passionate flower that it is. It's going to take courage, and faith that all will be well. It's going to take loving myself, and a refusal to apologize for who God created me to be.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." ~1 John 4:18
I will trust in You, and I will not be afraid.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Nothing can separate...
What a beautiful day to be alive! For real. I'm loving this indoctrination of spring into my life. Praise the Lord, oh my soul, the snow is gone :) This is a good thing.
I am officially back at Luther after a glorious 9 day break at home. Jesus totally blew my expectations for the week out of the water!!! He was at the center of every day, bringing light and joy and fulfilled promises and beautiful surprises to every activity.
However, as the week came to a close, I felt the all too familiar rush of anxiety fill me with dread at the prospect of heading back to school. A renewed influx of stress and separation was upon me, and I was NOT ready to experience that again. College has been hard for me this year, as I have pushed myself harder than I ever should. I won't even begin to explain my schedule because it's manageable and there's no reason for me to complain, seeing as it's all my doing, so I'll just leave you with the idea that I definitely bit off more than I can chew. Lesson learned.
The hardest part about college, however, has been location. My first year of college flew by; I loved being on my own and meeting new people. Life was all fun and games, with a pinch of stress and heartache. This year has been an entirely different ball game. I upped my game, taking on more rigorous course work, and adding numerous activities to my schedule. And without the rush of freshman year to propel me forward without a backward glance toward home, I have realized how much of a homebody I'm turning out to be. My familiy and friends are the most important parts of my life, and having them three hours away from me hasn't been easy. Understatement. It's been ridiculously difficult for me to be away, not only from civilization, but from the people I love and want to be with the most.
This being said, I have found hope. Over the past few months, difficult as they may have been, I have learned a wonderful thing about location: God is not defined by it.
When I went to Peru this January, I had a sinking feeling that my relationship with God would change as soon as I stepped off that airplane and drew the Peruvian air into my lungs. Hmm. Silly notion. God cannot be limited by time or space -- He created them! Instead of the absence of God that I so feared I would experience, God brought me into a deeper place with Him, cleaning up misconceptions I had about myself, romance, and Him. He was so ever present in my life in Peru, and I continue to look back on the month not as a time to learn Spanish, as it was originally intended, but as a month that cleaned my heart of a lot of the scar tissue that had formulated as a result of my past misconceptions of God. Mmm. He's taught me so much about His goodness and consistency. LOVE IT.
This past break has also revitalized my conception of location pertaining to my relationship with God. I knew that my spring break would be amazingly full of God's glory, as I had penciled every Jesus activity possible into my schedule. And God DELIVERED. There really isn't anything for me to say but WABAM. :) What God taught me about worship this week is that location doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether I'm in a packed sanctuary, or in my dorm room alone, or in a friend's living room with a small group of friends. God will come, God will move. Jesus said "For where two or three come together in my name, there I will be also" (Matthew 18:20, NIV). He says nothing about location, because His primary location is in our hearts. So no matter where we are, there He is also, and as this verse states, He is especially present when we gather with other believers. YAY party with Jesus. Oh yes. I love this idea!
While God was pouring down His wonderfulness all week long, I continued to struggle with my feelings of a lack of purpose at Luther. Why in the world had I decided to go to a college that was so isolated and far away from the people that I love? The purpose still is not completely clear to me, but I know that God will reveal it to me in time. But even if a specific purpose never comes into my view, I know that my ultimate purpose, no matter where I am, is to worship my Lover (more on bride/wedding imagery next time! OH MAN. Exciting). Ultimately, it doesn't matter that I am distant from the ones I love, because the One who created me and loves me more than anyone else ever could is ALWAYS WITH ME. Nations' borders, physical ailments, doubts, stress, busyness -- NOTHING can separate me from this Love. This unfailing, beautiful, redeeming, glorious, shining, brilliant Love of my Father, Creator, Savior, Lover, and Friend:
After all, There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:13, NLT) This love is OURS. Ours for the taking! Ours for free, given to us by the grace of God. Won for us by Jesus' death on the cross, and sealed in His resurrection as the Living God. Whoaaaa.
And this love, the greatest love of all, is unfailing:
"For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then My faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken," says the Lord, who has mercy on you. (Isaiah 54:10, NLT). Whoa whoa whoa. So even if the things I can't control (the earth itself) change, and everything around me as I know it shifts, God is always with me, and His love remains for me. This is big.
And even if I try to run away, if I myself try to separate myself from God's love, He will always find me, because He is always with me:
"I can never escape from Your Spirit! I can never get away from Your presence! If I go up to heaven, You are there; if I go down to the grave, You are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there Your hand will guide me, and Your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night -- but even in darkness I cannot hide from You. To You the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to You." (Psalm 139:7-12, NLT). This is big. Like, phenomenally big. And it just keeps getting better. So, if the world around me shakes and changes, even there God is with me. If I intentionally try to change my location, God is still by my side.
And ultimately, the verse that inspired this entry sums up the location of God's limitless love in this way:
"I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow -- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below -- indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39, NLT). Yeah. The greatest love of all, given to us by Jesus in His death, never leaves us. No matter what may change within us -- our physical, mental, or emotional location in this world. NOTHING CAN SEPARATE. Not addictions, not busyness, not stress, not distraction, not ONE THING. Nothing. Nothing can separate.
Holy Spirit, break down walls
Lord Jesus, let them fall
We want to know all of You, Jesus
So break down the walls that are standing between us
Amen! Glory to God alone.
I am officially back at Luther after a glorious 9 day break at home. Jesus totally blew my expectations for the week out of the water!!! He was at the center of every day, bringing light and joy and fulfilled promises and beautiful surprises to every activity.
However, as the week came to a close, I felt the all too familiar rush of anxiety fill me with dread at the prospect of heading back to school. A renewed influx of stress and separation was upon me, and I was NOT ready to experience that again. College has been hard for me this year, as I have pushed myself harder than I ever should. I won't even begin to explain my schedule because it's manageable and there's no reason for me to complain, seeing as it's all my doing, so I'll just leave you with the idea that I definitely bit off more than I can chew. Lesson learned.
The hardest part about college, however, has been location. My first year of college flew by; I loved being on my own and meeting new people. Life was all fun and games, with a pinch of stress and heartache. This year has been an entirely different ball game. I upped my game, taking on more rigorous course work, and adding numerous activities to my schedule. And without the rush of freshman year to propel me forward without a backward glance toward home, I have realized how much of a homebody I'm turning out to be. My familiy and friends are the most important parts of my life, and having them three hours away from me hasn't been easy. Understatement. It's been ridiculously difficult for me to be away, not only from civilization, but from the people I love and want to be with the most.
This being said, I have found hope. Over the past few months, difficult as they may have been, I have learned a wonderful thing about location: God is not defined by it.
When I went to Peru this January, I had a sinking feeling that my relationship with God would change as soon as I stepped off that airplane and drew the Peruvian air into my lungs. Hmm. Silly notion. God cannot be limited by time or space -- He created them! Instead of the absence of God that I so feared I would experience, God brought me into a deeper place with Him, cleaning up misconceptions I had about myself, romance, and Him. He was so ever present in my life in Peru, and I continue to look back on the month not as a time to learn Spanish, as it was originally intended, but as a month that cleaned my heart of a lot of the scar tissue that had formulated as a result of my past misconceptions of God. Mmm. He's taught me so much about His goodness and consistency. LOVE IT.
This past break has also revitalized my conception of location pertaining to my relationship with God. I knew that my spring break would be amazingly full of God's glory, as I had penciled every Jesus activity possible into my schedule. And God DELIVERED. There really isn't anything for me to say but WABAM. :) What God taught me about worship this week is that location doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether I'm in a packed sanctuary, or in my dorm room alone, or in a friend's living room with a small group of friends. God will come, God will move. Jesus said "For where two or three come together in my name, there I will be also" (Matthew 18:20, NIV). He says nothing about location, because His primary location is in our hearts. So no matter where we are, there He is also, and as this verse states, He is especially present when we gather with other believers. YAY party with Jesus. Oh yes. I love this idea!
While God was pouring down His wonderfulness all week long, I continued to struggle with my feelings of a lack of purpose at Luther. Why in the world had I decided to go to a college that was so isolated and far away from the people that I love? The purpose still is not completely clear to me, but I know that God will reveal it to me in time. But even if a specific purpose never comes into my view, I know that my ultimate purpose, no matter where I am, is to worship my Lover (more on bride/wedding imagery next time! OH MAN. Exciting). Ultimately, it doesn't matter that I am distant from the ones I love, because the One who created me and loves me more than anyone else ever could is ALWAYS WITH ME. Nations' borders, physical ailments, doubts, stress, busyness -- NOTHING can separate me from this Love. This unfailing, beautiful, redeeming, glorious, shining, brilliant Love of my Father, Creator, Savior, Lover, and Friend:
After all, There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:13, NLT) This love is OURS. Ours for the taking! Ours for free, given to us by the grace of God. Won for us by Jesus' death on the cross, and sealed in His resurrection as the Living God. Whoaaaa.
And this love, the greatest love of all, is unfailing:
"For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then My faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken," says the Lord, who has mercy on you. (Isaiah 54:10, NLT). Whoa whoa whoa. So even if the things I can't control (the earth itself) change, and everything around me as I know it shifts, God is always with me, and His love remains for me. This is big.
And even if I try to run away, if I myself try to separate myself from God's love, He will always find me, because He is always with me:
"I can never escape from Your Spirit! I can never get away from Your presence! If I go up to heaven, You are there; if I go down to the grave, You are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there Your hand will guide me, and Your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night -- but even in darkness I cannot hide from You. To You the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to You." (Psalm 139:7-12, NLT). This is big. Like, phenomenally big. And it just keeps getting better. So, if the world around me shakes and changes, even there God is with me. If I intentionally try to change my location, God is still by my side.
And ultimately, the verse that inspired this entry sums up the location of God's limitless love in this way:
"I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow -- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below -- indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39, NLT). Yeah. The greatest love of all, given to us by Jesus in His death, never leaves us. No matter what may change within us -- our physical, mental, or emotional location in this world. NOTHING CAN SEPARATE. Not addictions, not busyness, not stress, not distraction, not ONE THING. Nothing. Nothing can separate.
Holy Spirit, break down walls
Lord Jesus, let them fall
We want to know all of You, Jesus
So break down the walls that are standing between us
Amen! Glory to God alone.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
To begin...
Well, I've wanted to set up an official blog for sometime now, and while I've blogged for class requirements, I've never really felt the need to blog my personal thoughts until now.
It all began when my good friend and I watch Julie&Julia, and she suggested that I write a blog. That sounded like fun, so I thought I'd give it a shot.
Now, what to write about? Well, that was simple: the most important Part of my life, and the Center of it all -- Jesus. Oh yes. This is already looking good.
The title, "Like Gold Refined", came to me in song during a worship service, and I later used the line in a worship song I wrote this morning :) Essentially, this blog is intended... well, I'm not exactly sure what my intentions are. Maybe to remember all the glorious things God reveals to me, and to share those great and awesome pieces of God with whoever stumbles across this blog. I'm sensing that this blog will be more of an encouragement, a sort of "iron sharpening iron" deal. I'd love it to be a place for people to come together and share God's absolutely amazing works with each other. Community is absolutely essential in our walk with God. We were never intended to walk alone. Therefore, this blog will be going into existence as soon as I click the "Publish Post" button at the bottom of my screen. Okay.
I figure this blog will also help me work out my thoughts a little bit, as I tend to be a journal junky anyway. Writing definitely helps me process my thoughts like nothing else can, and there's something about the rhythmic clicking of the keyboard that keeps me here until everything is laid out on the table. So be prepared for bottom-of-the-heart questions, things that I wrestle with deep inside, and for revelations that have blessed me, and will hopefully bless you as well :)
Enough with the introductions, let's get to the good stuff.
Okay. So there's this Jesus fella. and OH MAN, He's so alive and present, and He is ON THE MOVE. Great things are already happening inside of us, the Spirit is moving. One of my daily devotionals, "Today is Your Best Day," illustrates the Holy Spirit as a river. Not only does the Holy Spirit provide living water, like Jesus told the Samaritan woman at the well (John 6), but it is MOVING. It is a river that does not stand still, because it is ALIVE. It moves with purpose. It moves within us to pour out on the world. A lake stands stagnant and can become infected with all sorts of... slimy things, for lack of a better description... but a river keeps things fresh EACH DAY. "His mercies begin afresh each morning" (Lamentations 3:23).
Sidenote: I have learned that there are SO MANY remarkable books in the Bible that I have often overlooked -- check out the string of minor prophets before you hit the New Testament. Solid promises to be found there!
I would go on forever about the greatness of God, but I know I'll be elaborating on this constantly throughout this blogging process :) All I have to say for now is Habakkuk 3. I will definitely be touching on what I have learned through that passage soon, but I don't want this first entry to turn people away with its length ;)
I leave you with the lyrics to my newest song, which illustrates the feeling in my heart that God is moving, like a rushing river that's ready to cut through the stonework of our hearts and society and break down walls and show us the wondrous glory of our God. OH MAN. Talk about exciting. I just can't wait to see what tomorrow brings :)
Joyful Song
The joy of the Lord is our strength and our song (Nehemiah 8:10)
The song of the Lord is rising, so sing along
Can you feel the Spirit rising, all you nations?
Can you feel the Spirit moving in your hearts?
‘Cause our God is alive and nothing can keep us apart (Romans 8:38-39)
The joy of the Lord is our strength and our song
The song of the Lord is rising, so sing along
Can you feel the fire burning, all you people?
It’s the fire that is refining all our hearts
‘Cause our God is alive and nothing can keep us apart
Purify, purify like gold refined
Our God is moving, He can’t be stopped
We can make all our plans
But God’s purpose will prevail (Proverbs 19:21)
The joy of the Lord is our strength and our song
The song of the Lord is rising, so sing along
Can you feel the river rising, tribe of Judah?
It’s the river that is flowing from God’s heart
‘Cause our God is alive and nothing can keep us apart!
You can listen to the song, and more of my music at www.myspace.com/amydormanmusic
Love and blessings to you today!
It all began when my good friend and I watch Julie&Julia, and she suggested that I write a blog. That sounded like fun, so I thought I'd give it a shot.
Now, what to write about? Well, that was simple: the most important Part of my life, and the Center of it all -- Jesus. Oh yes. This is already looking good.
The title, "Like Gold Refined", came to me in song during a worship service, and I later used the line in a worship song I wrote this morning :) Essentially, this blog is intended... well, I'm not exactly sure what my intentions are. Maybe to remember all the glorious things God reveals to me, and to share those great and awesome pieces of God with whoever stumbles across this blog. I'm sensing that this blog will be more of an encouragement, a sort of "iron sharpening iron" deal. I'd love it to be a place for people to come together and share God's absolutely amazing works with each other. Community is absolutely essential in our walk with God. We were never intended to walk alone. Therefore, this blog will be going into existence as soon as I click the "Publish Post" button at the bottom of my screen. Okay.
I figure this blog will also help me work out my thoughts a little bit, as I tend to be a journal junky anyway. Writing definitely helps me process my thoughts like nothing else can, and there's something about the rhythmic clicking of the keyboard that keeps me here until everything is laid out on the table. So be prepared for bottom-of-the-heart questions, things that I wrestle with deep inside, and for revelations that have blessed me, and will hopefully bless you as well :)
Enough with the introductions, let's get to the good stuff.
Okay. So there's this Jesus fella. and OH MAN, He's so alive and present, and He is ON THE MOVE. Great things are already happening inside of us, the Spirit is moving. One of my daily devotionals, "Today is Your Best Day," illustrates the Holy Spirit as a river. Not only does the Holy Spirit provide living water, like Jesus told the Samaritan woman at the well (John 6), but it is MOVING. It is a river that does not stand still, because it is ALIVE. It moves with purpose. It moves within us to pour out on the world. A lake stands stagnant and can become infected with all sorts of... slimy things, for lack of a better description... but a river keeps things fresh EACH DAY. "His mercies begin afresh each morning" (Lamentations 3:23).
Sidenote: I have learned that there are SO MANY remarkable books in the Bible that I have often overlooked -- check out the string of minor prophets before you hit the New Testament. Solid promises to be found there!
I would go on forever about the greatness of God, but I know I'll be elaborating on this constantly throughout this blogging process :) All I have to say for now is Habakkuk 3. I will definitely be touching on what I have learned through that passage soon, but I don't want this first entry to turn people away with its length ;)
I leave you with the lyrics to my newest song, which illustrates the feeling in my heart that God is moving, like a rushing river that's ready to cut through the stonework of our hearts and society and break down walls and show us the wondrous glory of our God. OH MAN. Talk about exciting. I just can't wait to see what tomorrow brings :)
Joyful Song
The joy of the Lord is our strength and our song (Nehemiah 8:10)
The song of the Lord is rising, so sing along
Can you feel the Spirit rising, all you nations?
Can you feel the Spirit moving in your hearts?
‘Cause our God is alive and nothing can keep us apart (Romans 8:38-39)
The joy of the Lord is our strength and our song
The song of the Lord is rising, so sing along
Can you feel the fire burning, all you people?
It’s the fire that is refining all our hearts
‘Cause our God is alive and nothing can keep us apart
Purify, purify like gold refined
Our God is moving, He can’t be stopped
We can make all our plans
But God’s purpose will prevail (Proverbs 19:21)
The joy of the Lord is our strength and our song
The song of the Lord is rising, so sing along
Can you feel the river rising, tribe of Judah?
It’s the river that is flowing from God’s heart
‘Cause our God is alive and nothing can keep us apart!
You can listen to the song, and more of my music at www.myspace.com/amydormanmusic
Love and blessings to you today!
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