I'm wrestling with things, which doesn't surprise me as this always seems to happen when I cross a country's borders. As soon as I leave a tight-knit community that is consistently nurturing my faith, and growing along with me, I find that I struggle a little bit with my beliefs. Perhaps this is inevitable whenever I encounter new perspectives and cultures and stray away from the comfort of home. It's always good to keep my heart and mind open to other opinions.
However, what struck me in the last few days (in which I have been resisting my belief in Christ more than I would have expected), is that no matter where I am, I cannot change WHO I am. And part of who I am -- ALL of who I am -- is tied to who I am in Christ.
Just because my beliefs may falter periodically, or I go through seasons of questioning (which are totally healthy and welcomed by God, by the way) doesn't change the fact that I am in love. I am in love with a God who became human in order to save me from myself and be with me forever.
I'm in love. And the God I'm in love with has everything to do with who I am. So while I'm wrestling, I recall a line of a song I wrote for a friend earlier this summer:
"Remember who you are, no matter where you are
The God who holds the stars holds us, too"
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Be Still.
"Then Jesus got up and said to the wind and the waves "Be still," and they were immediately calm." ~ Matthew 8:26
Never has the Lord spoken those two words into my life more than in these past summer months. And in trying to be still, I have been getting one of the most grueling workouts of my life.
My "being still" and "waiting" muscles are by far the least used in my spiritual "body". In comparison, my "doing" muscles are disproportionately HUGE. When a trial arises in my life, my first instinct is to fix the issue as quickly as possible. Waiting is rarely an option in my mind, until it comes to my attention as a last resort for salvaging a situation.
But what I've realized recently is that I can't do everything. I can't fix issues that are beyond my capabilities to fix. Often the Lord calls us to trust in Him, instead of act on His behalf. He doesn't need me to play God. He needs me to accept my role as the vessel through which His Spirit moves -- I am the vessel, not the Spirit itself.
"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act." ~ Psalm 37:7
Ah yes. That key word "patiently". I find that the longer I wait for something to be fixed, the more anxious I feel, and as time goes on I begin scrambling for a sign from heaven that I can finally do my part and jump into the fixing process.
I don't do that with practical things in my life... If my laptop is broken, I leave it with the experts at Best Buy, and wait patiently for them to do what they have been trained to do. I trust that they are capable and that everything will be fine. Until then, I rest, realizing that there is nothing I can do to urge the process along. My calling incessantly would only delay the process. So I sit back and relax until the work is completed and my laptop is returned to me restored.
Can I not trust the Lord to fix the difficult situations in my life? God is complete in wisdom and understanding (Proverbs 2:6), His ways are above my ways and His thoughts above my thoughts (Isaiah 55), He understands every part of me (Psalm 139)... everything I need before I ask for it (Isaiah 65:24).
The Lord is good, and His mercies endure forever.
The above phrase has been on my heart for the past ten days, reminding me that although I stand in the middle of many storms, the Lord can and will calm them, at just the right time. His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts. I may not understand, but I can trust that He is capable to calm the storm, that all is for His glory, and that everything He does, He does out of love for me.
"Be still, and know that I am God!" ~ Psalm 46:10
Translation: "Get out of My way, Ame! Let Me fix this as only I know how! Trust Me, and rest in Me. I am your God. I alone am God. And I am FOR you, not against you. I am FOR you, and not against you. Be still, and know that I am God!"
Jesus got up and said to the wind and the waves "Be still," and my spirit was immediately calm.
Never has the Lord spoken those two words into my life more than in these past summer months. And in trying to be still, I have been getting one of the most grueling workouts of my life.
My "being still" and "waiting" muscles are by far the least used in my spiritual "body". In comparison, my "doing" muscles are disproportionately HUGE. When a trial arises in my life, my first instinct is to fix the issue as quickly as possible. Waiting is rarely an option in my mind, until it comes to my attention as a last resort for salvaging a situation.
But what I've realized recently is that I can't do everything. I can't fix issues that are beyond my capabilities to fix. Often the Lord calls us to trust in Him, instead of act on His behalf. He doesn't need me to play God. He needs me to accept my role as the vessel through which His Spirit moves -- I am the vessel, not the Spirit itself.
"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act." ~ Psalm 37:7
Ah yes. That key word "patiently". I find that the longer I wait for something to be fixed, the more anxious I feel, and as time goes on I begin scrambling for a sign from heaven that I can finally do my part and jump into the fixing process.
I don't do that with practical things in my life... If my laptop is broken, I leave it with the experts at Best Buy, and wait patiently for them to do what they have been trained to do. I trust that they are capable and that everything will be fine. Until then, I rest, realizing that there is nothing I can do to urge the process along. My calling incessantly would only delay the process. So I sit back and relax until the work is completed and my laptop is returned to me restored.
Can I not trust the Lord to fix the difficult situations in my life? God is complete in wisdom and understanding (Proverbs 2:6), His ways are above my ways and His thoughts above my thoughts (Isaiah 55), He understands every part of me (Psalm 139)... everything I need before I ask for it (Isaiah 65:24).
The Lord is good, and His mercies endure forever.
The above phrase has been on my heart for the past ten days, reminding me that although I stand in the middle of many storms, the Lord can and will calm them, at just the right time. His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts. I may not understand, but I can trust that He is capable to calm the storm, that all is for His glory, and that everything He does, He does out of love for me.
"Be still, and know that I am God!" ~ Psalm 46:10
Translation: "Get out of My way, Ame! Let Me fix this as only I know how! Trust Me, and rest in Me. I am your God. I alone am God. And I am FOR you, not against you. I am FOR you, and not against you. Be still, and know that I am God!"
Jesus got up and said to the wind and the waves "Be still," and my spirit was immediately calm.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Focus
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." ~ Hebrews 12:2
Focus.
What a fascinating concept...
Focus has been a part of my daily life from the moment I understood the notion of responsibility and that I couldn't get anywhere in life if I kept turning my head from left to right, ignoring the path straight ahead.
What I have come to realize, however, is that I have neglected to exercise focus in my walk with the Lord, and that this is ESSENTIAL for my heart to find rest.
Instead of focusing on the Lord -- the way He sees the situations in my life, what He desires for me -- I have been focusing on how other people see me, and what I want for my own life.
My lack of focus on God has resulted in an influx of worry, unrest, frustration, anger, and hopelessness.
I have been turning my head from left to right, like a restless horse trying to shake the rider's grip off the reins.
And what have I gained from struggling, acting solely on the tiny particle of my life that is visible before me? How have I benefited from fighting against God's greater plans for me?
The path is straight and narrow, and I do not walk through the dark valley alone (Psalm 23:4). When the shadows of uncertainty in the valley lengthen, I can be assured that there is the Light of truth guiding me home (Psalm 43:3). And Home (with a capital "H") is exactly where I need to set my gaze. (Hebrews 11:13-15, Philippians 3:20-21)
God's primary concern is not my comfort, my happiness, or all of my petty dreams coming true. His desire first and foremost is that I am drawn to His heart and that I am set securely in His arms. No matter what befalls me on this earth, THAT is my reward. THAT is my goal. THAT is what is best for me, and THAT ALONE shall be my focus.
This is not to say that Jesus doesn't care about our struggles in life. The Bible says that God "keeps track of all our sorrows" and has "collected every tear in His bottle" (Psalm 56:8). God is love, and He loves us more completely and unfailingly than we could ever imagine.
It is in times of trial that we must turn our focus Home, to trust in God's love and believe that "God works for the good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28), . And we must realize that this "good" may be defined differently by God than it is by us. God's definition of good is increased righteousness -- "a broken and contrite heart" (Psalm 51). Therefore, even when we cannot see the end result of the trials we endure, we can be comforted that we are being drawn ever closer to God's heart, and are learning to focus ever more clearly on the perfection of His redeeming love.
Everything else is fading away
Only Love
Only Love remains
"Stay with God!
Take heart. Don't quit.
I'll say it again:
Stay with God." ~ Psalm 27:13-14 (MSG)
Focus.
What a fascinating concept...
Focus has been a part of my daily life from the moment I understood the notion of responsibility and that I couldn't get anywhere in life if I kept turning my head from left to right, ignoring the path straight ahead.
What I have come to realize, however, is that I have neglected to exercise focus in my walk with the Lord, and that this is ESSENTIAL for my heart to find rest.
Instead of focusing on the Lord -- the way He sees the situations in my life, what He desires for me -- I have been focusing on how other people see me, and what I want for my own life.
My lack of focus on God has resulted in an influx of worry, unrest, frustration, anger, and hopelessness.
I have been turning my head from left to right, like a restless horse trying to shake the rider's grip off the reins.
And what have I gained from struggling, acting solely on the tiny particle of my life that is visible before me? How have I benefited from fighting against God's greater plans for me?
The path is straight and narrow, and I do not walk through the dark valley alone (Psalm 23:4). When the shadows of uncertainty in the valley lengthen, I can be assured that there is the Light of truth guiding me home (Psalm 43:3). And Home (with a capital "H") is exactly where I need to set my gaze. (Hebrews 11:13-15, Philippians 3:20-21)
God's primary concern is not my comfort, my happiness, or all of my petty dreams coming true. His desire first and foremost is that I am drawn to His heart and that I am set securely in His arms. No matter what befalls me on this earth, THAT is my reward. THAT is my goal. THAT is what is best for me, and THAT ALONE shall be my focus.
This is not to say that Jesus doesn't care about our struggles in life. The Bible says that God "keeps track of all our sorrows" and has "collected every tear in His bottle" (Psalm 56:8). God is love, and He loves us more completely and unfailingly than we could ever imagine.
It is in times of trial that we must turn our focus Home, to trust in God's love and believe that "God works for the good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28), . And we must realize that this "good" may be defined differently by God than it is by us. God's definition of good is increased righteousness -- "a broken and contrite heart" (Psalm 51). Therefore, even when we cannot see the end result of the trials we endure, we can be comforted that we are being drawn ever closer to God's heart, and are learning to focus ever more clearly on the perfection of His redeeming love.
Everything else is fading away
Only Love
Only Love remains
"Stay with God!
Take heart. Don't quit.
I'll say it again:
Stay with God." ~ Psalm 27:13-14 (MSG)
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Growing Pains
“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green and they never stop producing fruit.” ~Jeremiah 17:7-8
Growing pains. We all experience them – whether they are contained to our physical bodies after an intense workout or are part of our emotional and spiritual journeys.
I remember when I was a young girl, crying in my bed, unable to sleep because my bones were aching as they slowly and painfully stretched into their finished length in my adolescence. I couldn’t detect what was happening, why my body was aching and restraining me from getting any rest. It was in those moments that I called out to my mother, who came quickly with Tylenol, water, and a listening ear. She had been through the growing pains, and had full confidence (not to mention scientific evidence) that all would be as it should be in a few short years. Now at my full height, I really haven’t looked back on these growing pains until this moment. Instead, I walk as a woman fully grown, confident in my height and able to enjoy the benefits of the pain without specifically recalling the painful moments to memory.
As an adult, the growing pains I feel are quite different. These are the growing pains of the soul. They don’t go away with Tylenol, water, and a mother’s touch. They take much longer to complete themselves, and often return when more growth is necessary in a certain area of my heart.
And unlike the growing pains I felt as a child, these are pains that I must consciously choose to endure in order to reap the rewards of the growth. I can choose to stunt my growth by not listening to the call to something higher, or I can choose to walk by faith, endure the struggles, and persevere to a new and more glorious level of my soul.
However, this is a choice that I make on a daily basis when I choose to put God first and accept His will as the absolute best plan for me. While I may be led through deserts, up mountain slopes, and across raging rivers of distrust, doubt, and past hurt, I never walk alone. I am being led by the most caring Shepherd who will never leave my side. He knows where He leads me. He understands my heart for He created me, and He knows the junk that has accumulated over the years – things that will only keep me from going deeper in my relationships with others and with Him if ignored.
In these growing pains there may be fear of the unknown and many tears as the pain and weariness creep ever steadily into my heart, but there is a stronger promise of a more complete self – a soul that walks more perfectly in step with the Father, and a heart that reflects the desires of the Father’s heart. What could be more rewarding that such nearness to God?
I trust that in the times when I may not see immediate benefits of the growing pains, God is working in my heart in ways that I cannot see. For I know that no time is wasted when walking with God. God doesn’t waste time. He uses every minute, every circumstance, to produce a more perfect and holy Bride.
So let us persevere, and run the race marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1). Let us trust in the One who created us and gave Himself for us. We have nothing to lose and the most wonderful of things to gain – an inseparable closeness to the heart of the living God.
Growing pains. We all experience them – whether they are contained to our physical bodies after an intense workout or are part of our emotional and spiritual journeys.
I remember when I was a young girl, crying in my bed, unable to sleep because my bones were aching as they slowly and painfully stretched into their finished length in my adolescence. I couldn’t detect what was happening, why my body was aching and restraining me from getting any rest. It was in those moments that I called out to my mother, who came quickly with Tylenol, water, and a listening ear. She had been through the growing pains, and had full confidence (not to mention scientific evidence) that all would be as it should be in a few short years. Now at my full height, I really haven’t looked back on these growing pains until this moment. Instead, I walk as a woman fully grown, confident in my height and able to enjoy the benefits of the pain without specifically recalling the painful moments to memory.
As an adult, the growing pains I feel are quite different. These are the growing pains of the soul. They don’t go away with Tylenol, water, and a mother’s touch. They take much longer to complete themselves, and often return when more growth is necessary in a certain area of my heart.
And unlike the growing pains I felt as a child, these are pains that I must consciously choose to endure in order to reap the rewards of the growth. I can choose to stunt my growth by not listening to the call to something higher, or I can choose to walk by faith, endure the struggles, and persevere to a new and more glorious level of my soul.
However, this is a choice that I make on a daily basis when I choose to put God first and accept His will as the absolute best plan for me. While I may be led through deserts, up mountain slopes, and across raging rivers of distrust, doubt, and past hurt, I never walk alone. I am being led by the most caring Shepherd who will never leave my side. He knows where He leads me. He understands my heart for He created me, and He knows the junk that has accumulated over the years – things that will only keep me from going deeper in my relationships with others and with Him if ignored.
In these growing pains there may be fear of the unknown and many tears as the pain and weariness creep ever steadily into my heart, but there is a stronger promise of a more complete self – a soul that walks more perfectly in step with the Father, and a heart that reflects the desires of the Father’s heart. What could be more rewarding that such nearness to God?
I trust that in the times when I may not see immediate benefits of the growing pains, God is working in my heart in ways that I cannot see. For I know that no time is wasted when walking with God. God doesn’t waste time. He uses every minute, every circumstance, to produce a more perfect and holy Bride.
So let us persevere, and run the race marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1). Let us trust in the One who created us and gave Himself for us. We have nothing to lose and the most wonderful of things to gain – an inseparable closeness to the heart of the living God.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Battles Lost, Victory Won
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
~ Desert Song by Hillsong
I'm sitting here feeling completely defeated in some of the battles of life I have been engaged in for some time now. I have donned my best armor, fought with my best sword, and battled self as faithfully as I have been able -- all to no seen avail.
However, as defeated as I feel, I know that while these battles may not be reaping tangible rewards for me now, the war that has been waged on my heart is nearer and nearer its aforeseen victory.
I may be discouraged now, in the face of loss and the taunting of the unknown, but what I am beginning to see is the fruit of this labor and God's grace in my own heart. These battles may seem painfully lost, but the trust I have had to place on the Lord in these times have harvested irreplaceable gifts of humility and surrender that I never would have received had I chosen not to enter into battle.
The battle may seem lost, but there is the promise and reassurance of everlasting victory through Jesus Christ our Savior.
"Why am I discouraged?
Why is my soul so sad?
I will put my hope in God.
I will praise Him again,
my Savior and my God!"
~Psalm 43:5
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
~ Desert Song by Hillsong
I'm sitting here feeling completely defeated in some of the battles of life I have been engaged in for some time now. I have donned my best armor, fought with my best sword, and battled self as faithfully as I have been able -- all to no seen avail.
However, as defeated as I feel, I know that while these battles may not be reaping tangible rewards for me now, the war that has been waged on my heart is nearer and nearer its aforeseen victory.
I may be discouraged now, in the face of loss and the taunting of the unknown, but what I am beginning to see is the fruit of this labor and God's grace in my own heart. These battles may seem painfully lost, but the trust I have had to place on the Lord in these times have harvested irreplaceable gifts of humility and surrender that I never would have received had I chosen not to enter into battle.
The battle may seem lost, but there is the promise and reassurance of everlasting victory through Jesus Christ our Savior.
"Why am I discouraged?
Why is my soul so sad?
I will put my hope in God.
I will praise Him again,
my Savior and my God!"
~Psalm 43:5
Sunday, July 25, 2010
In Every Season
Let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” ~ Galatians 6:9 NLV
Minnesota has seen a bit of a rainy season this summer, something I certainly wasn’t expecting or hoping for when I came home from Iowa for my three month vacation. But I must say, the abundance of rain has set me thinking about the rainy seasons in my own life.
We all experience rainy seasons, dry seasons, and fruitful seasons. Sometimes these seasons cycle through in a predictable pattern, but mostly the change in seasons catches us off-guard. It is in these changes of seasons that we come to rely on the Lord instead of our own understanding of our circumstances (Proverbs 3:5).
For the past few months I have been weathering a rain shower in my life. Some days feel like a refreshing sunshower, but others are more akin to the thunderstorms Minnesota has been plagued with recently. It is in this time that I have learned to not resist the rain and to trust the Lord in His use of every minute of it.
After all rain is essential for growth in this world. It is no different for our hearts. These rainy seasons are times we draw close to the Father for shelter, wearily bringing all our pain and struggles to Him, completely relying on Him to lead us through. As trust builds and strength is steadily restored God often gives us the grace to see the benefits of the rain – the harvest to be reaped at just the right time. It is then we can dance in the rain, rejoicing in our God-monitored growth and the promise of “a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Have faith, dear one, for there is always a purpose in the rainy season. There is always the promise of a rainbow to follow the storm. There is always the presence of the Companion who will “never leave us or forsake us” (Hebrews 13:5). Let us open our hearts to receive whatever the Lord has for us in every season. Let us trust today that He has the absolute best for us and that all is for His glory.
“All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing.” ~“Desert Song” by Hillsong
Minnesota has seen a bit of a rainy season this summer, something I certainly wasn’t expecting or hoping for when I came home from Iowa for my three month vacation. But I must say, the abundance of rain has set me thinking about the rainy seasons in my own life.
We all experience rainy seasons, dry seasons, and fruitful seasons. Sometimes these seasons cycle through in a predictable pattern, but mostly the change in seasons catches us off-guard. It is in these changes of seasons that we come to rely on the Lord instead of our own understanding of our circumstances (Proverbs 3:5).
For the past few months I have been weathering a rain shower in my life. Some days feel like a refreshing sunshower, but others are more akin to the thunderstorms Minnesota has been plagued with recently. It is in this time that I have learned to not resist the rain and to trust the Lord in His use of every minute of it.
After all rain is essential for growth in this world. It is no different for our hearts. These rainy seasons are times we draw close to the Father for shelter, wearily bringing all our pain and struggles to Him, completely relying on Him to lead us through. As trust builds and strength is steadily restored God often gives us the grace to see the benefits of the rain – the harvest to be reaped at just the right time. It is then we can dance in the rain, rejoicing in our God-monitored growth and the promise of “a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Have faith, dear one, for there is always a purpose in the rainy season. There is always the promise of a rainbow to follow the storm. There is always the presence of the Companion who will “never leave us or forsake us” (Hebrews 13:5). Let us open our hearts to receive whatever the Lord has for us in every season. Let us trust today that He has the absolute best for us and that all is for His glory.
“All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing.” ~“Desert Song” by Hillsong
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The Father's Love
I do everything quickly. I walk quickly, I talk quickly, I eat quickly, I complete my tasks quickly (but not at the sacrifice of quality ;) ). The rapid pace of my life leaves me vulnerable to becoming completely task-oriented and forgetting to take a step back in order to enjoy the little (and important) things in life.
In short, I am an expert at trying to use my accomplishments as a way to gain identity and favor in the eyes of others. I strive to be the best I can be, running and running until I don't recognize my own exhaustion.
These past few months have given me plenty of opportunities to grow in my faith, and have caused me to rely completely on God -- trusting in His goodness, seeking after His will in ambiguous and emotionally strained situations. I am so thankful for these struggles as they have brought me closer to Jesus and have humbled me to see my desperate need for His strength in my incredible weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
But for all the things I have been graciously taught by our Father, I continuously forget to rest. I have pressed forward with the mindset that if I study the Bible religiously (no pun intended), do my best in school, and put my whole heart into all I do, I will gain God's favor.
In this mindset, I was talking to God last night in my frustration. I cried out "God, what do you want from me?"
In my heart, I heard three words back:
"I want you."
My eyes fill as I write this, as I remember the relief I felt as the curtain of my own obscure perception was lifted to reveal the incredible depth of the Father's love. In that moment, I saw the amazing grace of Jesus on the cross, and realized what God had been trying to tell me all along: God wants our love. He wants to be with us. Everything else He desires will naturally follow when our hearts draw closer and closer to His.
No more striving. Just love. The love of the Father.
Psalm 51:16-17 "You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice You desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God."
He wants us. He wants our hearts. He wants to be with us, today and always.
How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure. That He should give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure.
This, then, is the beauty of the Father's love, illustrated so perfectly through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
In short, I am an expert at trying to use my accomplishments as a way to gain identity and favor in the eyes of others. I strive to be the best I can be, running and running until I don't recognize my own exhaustion.
These past few months have given me plenty of opportunities to grow in my faith, and have caused me to rely completely on God -- trusting in His goodness, seeking after His will in ambiguous and emotionally strained situations. I am so thankful for these struggles as they have brought me closer to Jesus and have humbled me to see my desperate need for His strength in my incredible weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
But for all the things I have been graciously taught by our Father, I continuously forget to rest. I have pressed forward with the mindset that if I study the Bible religiously (no pun intended), do my best in school, and put my whole heart into all I do, I will gain God's favor.
In this mindset, I was talking to God last night in my frustration. I cried out "God, what do you want from me?"
In my heart, I heard three words back:
"I want you."
My eyes fill as I write this, as I remember the relief I felt as the curtain of my own obscure perception was lifted to reveal the incredible depth of the Father's love. In that moment, I saw the amazing grace of Jesus on the cross, and realized what God had been trying to tell me all along: God wants our love. He wants to be with us. Everything else He desires will naturally follow when our hearts draw closer and closer to His.
No more striving. Just love. The love of the Father.
Psalm 51:16-17 "You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice You desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God."
He wants us. He wants our hearts. He wants to be with us, today and always.
How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure. That He should give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure.
This, then, is the beauty of the Father's love, illustrated so perfectly through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
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